Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How it Affects Us All

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of gender discrimination, graphic violence, physical abuse, emotional abuse, rape, sexual violence and harassment, death by suicide, suicidal ideation, racism, and death.

Bates begins by asking the reader to “imagine” a world in which violence against women is not only normalized, but encouraged, painting a graphic image of women under threat of physical and sexual violence. She then argues that her readers already live in this world; however, they often don’t realize this because it is seldom talked about openly. Bates notes that society focuses more on victimized women—their behaviors, the way they dressed, and their choices—rather than having open discussions about the men who commit crimes against them. When these cases are discussed, the male perpetrators are portrayed as outcasts, exceptions, or outliers; they are not seen as being symptomatic of a larger phenomenon. 

Conversations about men and patriarchy are often met with accusations of generalizing, and these discussions are seen as attacks on men themselves. However, Bates points out that the rigid, harmful ideals of masculinity that patriarchy promotes not only harm women and girls, but also harm vulnerable men and boys—it places them under intense pressure to conform to strict and damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.